KTH1 is coming! But, making it hasn’t been easy. In a new interview with Weverse Magazine, BTS‘s V explained the struggles of creating his first mixtape.
Though “Blue & Grey” is one of the standout tracks on BE, it wasn’t meant to be there. Originally, V says, the song was supposed to be on his first mixtape. He actually wrote the highly personal song when he was at his “lowest point” and hit hard by depressing thoughts.
I wrote “Blue & Grey” when I was at my lowest point, when I was actually asking whether I could keep going with my work or not. Those kinds of thoughts hit me hard.
Using his tough time as “a kind of fertilizer“, V wrote down all his feelings as notes, and eventually decided to compile them into a song. Despite having such a deep, personal connection to the track, V was able to let it go once it was finished.
After the song was finished, I felt a sense of accomplishment, and that’s how I was able to let go of “Blue & Grey.” That was one way I wanted to try getting over my problem.
But, just like dealing with the emotional struggles released in “Blue & Grey” wasn’t easy, V’s entire mixtape has been a difficult journey. In the interview, he confessed that he actually feels “a ton of pressure” over putting it together, constantly thinking about what kind of album he’d be satisfied with.
The title track is the title track, but everyone also says to just leave it as it is, but I keep getting the urge to keep putting in more and more.
Elaborating, V revealed that “it’s so hard” to work on the mixtape—perhaps because it’s his first. While people have advised him to simply release the album and gauge the reception, V says he thinks it “still has a long way to go” and he wants to fix any issues before it drops.
On top of that, V confessed that he doesn’t want the title track of his mixtape to be “depressing“. He usually writes songs when he’s feeling emotional, which is how “Blue & Grey” came to be. Now, however, he wants to be more “positive” and help ARMYs beat their own feelings of depression.
But it’s not easy.
While there’s no saying what V’s mixtape title track concept will eventually be, it’s likely to include one of his favorite themes. V explained the he likes “nighttime and the late-night air“—two common motifs in his music, along with loneliness and snow. He says he doesn’t sleep well, but things like now and night air “keep [him] alive“.
They may just be another part of normal life to other people, but to me, they represent very special moments.