Former AOA Member Mina Reveals She Tried To Take Her Own Life Due To An AOA Member Bullying Her
Former AOA member Kwon Mina shared a post on her Instagram account, recounting her story about how she was bullied during her time in AOA and even tried to take her own life.
She left her lengthy response after seeing a DM from a netizen telling her to “get lost, bitch.”
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나도 진짜 너무 너무 꺼지고 싶은데 엄마 돌봐야해서..아 또 무뇌라고 연락들 많이 오겠다 맞아요 나 무뇌 맞고 제대로 배운것도 없어 어릴때부터 집안 사정 때문에 돈 벌어야 했거든 아빠 돌아가시고 대기실에서 한번 우니까 어떤 언니가 니 때문에 분위기 흐려진다고 울지말라고 대기실 옷장으로 끌고 가길래 내가 너무 무섭다고 했어 아빠가 곧 죽을거를 생각하니까 난 아직도 그 말 못 잊어 딴 괴롭힘? 딴 욕? 다 괜찮아 상처지만 같은 차 타는 바람에 나중에는 신경안정제랑 수면제 먹고 그냥 나를 재워버렸어 스케줄 제대로 해야하는데 내가 점점 망가지고 있다는 걸 느꼈어 그 언니 때문에 내가 자살시도도 했었거든 그리고 나 아이돌 그리고 배우 인정 안해줘도 괜찮아 진짜 못해 많이 부족하잖아 근데 나는 하면서 너무 행복했고 정말 열심히 했어 정말 사랑하는 직업이야 일로써 스트레스 한번도 안 받았고 솔직히 AOA탈퇴 정말 하기 싫었는데 날 싫어하는 사람 하나 때문에 10년을 괴롭힘 당하고 참다가 솔직히 끝에는 나도 눈 돌아가서 욕 한번이라도 하고 싶을정도였으니.. 결국 AOA도 포기했어 나는 다른 멤버들과의 활동이 재밌었던 애였거든 근데 얼마전에 그 언니 아버지가 돌아가셨어 마음이 너무 아프고 기분이 이상했어 그 아픔 적어도 나는 아니까..장례식장 갔는데 날 보자마저 울면서 미안하다고 하더라 허무하고 무너져 내렸어 마음이..그냥 비워졌어 원망도 사라지고 다 괜찮아졌는데 내가 너무 고장이 나있어서 무서워 공백기..당연히 예상했지 이것 저것 배우거나 우울증이나 공황장애 불안증 치료 하면되겠다 했어 근데 공백기 동안에도 참 많은일들이 생기더라..솔직히 지쳐 맞아 그 네티즌? 인터넷상 사람들이 하는 말처럼 나도 내가 누군지 모르겠고 뭐하는 애인지 모르겠어 꼴보기 싫고 시끄럽고 듣기 싫어도 나도 내가 태어나고 싶어서 태어난거 아니잖아 나도 입이 있고 손이 있고 이제는 나도 내 자신이 컨트롤이 안되고 나 엄마때문에 살아 살아야지..이쁘게 안봐줘도 되구 관심 안줘도 괜찮으니까 조금만..그냥 내버려두면 안될까? 내가 다 잘 못 했으니까
I really, really want to go away too, but I have to take care of my mom.. Ah, more of you are calling me brainless now. Well it’s true, I am brainless. I haven’t properly learned anything and I’ve had to make money for my family ever since I was young. When my dad passed away, I was in the waiting room crying and a certain unnie told me that it was my fault the atmosphere was bad, and to stop crying. She pulled me to the closet of the waiting room, and I said I was so scared since my dad was dying.
Thinking about that, I can’t ever forget those words. Other bullying instances? Other curses? It’s okay, but I was hurt. We got into the same car, but later, I had to take tranquilizers and sleeping pills just so I could put myself to sleep, so I could do my schedules properly. It felt like things were just getting worse and worse, and because of that unnie, I even attempted to take my own life.
It’s okay if you don’t acknowledge me as an idol or actress. I’m not good at it, and I lack a lot. But I was so happy doing it and worked really hard. It’s something I love and didn’t give me any stress. Honestly, I really didn’t want to quit AOA, but because of someone who hated me, I was bullied for 10 years. Honestly, in the end, I just wanted to flip out and curse back at her once..
In the end, I gave up on AOA. It was fun promoting with the other members. Not long ago, that unnie’s father passed away and my heart hurt, but it also felt weird, I know that pain. I went to the funeral and as soon as she saw me, she started crying and said she was sorry, and it was like my heart was collapsing in futility. It was empty. All the blame was gone and it was like everything was okay again, but I was so broken that I was scared.
During my time away from promoting… Of course I thought I would learn something or treat my depression or panic disorder, but a lot of things happened during that time..
Honestly, I’m tired. Right netizens? Like people say on the internet, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I do, they don’t like seeing me, I’m loud so no one wants to listen to me, but I wasn’t born because I wanted to be born. I have a mouth and I have hands, but now I can’t control my own self, and I live for my mom.
It’s fine if you don’t look upon me fondly, it’s fine if you don’t pay attention to me, but just leave me alone? I get it, everything is my fault.
Some netizens believe that the unnie Mina is referring to is Jimin, as Jimin’s father passed away back in April 2020. Mina also uploaded a second post, revealing more details about what the member did, as well as the lengths she went regarding her self-harm and attempting to take her own life.
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아 근데 AOA그 언니 이야기 왜 적었냐면 난 아빠 췌장암 말기 선고받고 아빠가 갈거라는 걸 알고 있었는데 그 언니한데 또 혼날까봐 그리고 개인 연기도 하고 있었고, 컴백하고 있어서 스케줄 소화해내고 멤버들한데 피해주기 싫었고 대사도 외우고 웃어야 하는 부분도 많고 그래서 난 아빠 생각에 사로잡히면 안되고 일을 제대로 해야해 라고 생각했고, 아빠 병실에 들어가지도 못했어 췌장암 말기라서 뼈밖에 없는 모습 보니까 눈물이 안날수가 없더라고 언니도 전화오고 아빠도 이제 말을 잘 못하는데 날 찾았대 근데 만약 스케줄 하다가 울면 어떡해 또 저 언니가 뭐라하면 어떡해? 난 그때 나이가 너무 어려서 그렇게 해야되는 줄 알았어 그게 맞는거라고 생각했고 혼나는게 더 싫었어 그래서 더 볼 수 있었는데 못 보고 그렇게 아빠 눈 감았을때 삐 소리 듣고 보고 보냈어 옆에 스케치북에 아빠가 우리 딸 어디있어요? 라고 힘들게 삐뚤 빼뚤 적어서 간호사님한데 보여드렸다는데 그때도 일 하고 있어서 못갔었거든 근데 들리는 말론 언닌 특실 잡아주고 개인 스케줄들도 그렇고 뭐 취소했다는 말 들리던데 아니길바래 프로답게 해 언니도. 울지마 알았지? 분위기 흐려진다며 나 땜에 왜 눈치 봐야하냐며 그랬잖아 언니도 잘 이겨내 꼭. 나는 아직도 그 기억 못 지워 언니가 했던말들 행동들 사실 흐릿해도 전부 기억해 남아있어 그럴때마다 약 먹어가면서 견디고 있어 그치만 아빠때 일은 평생 갈 것 같다 언니는 그냥 뱉은 말이지만 난 정말 상처였던 것 같아 근데 마지막 우리끼리 5분의 시간때 내가 언니한데 얘기했어 그때 그게 상처였다고 그때 언닌 날 째려보며 말했지 내가 그런말 할 정도로 나쁜년이라고는 생각안하는데? 했어 그러자 다른 멤버가 언니 그랬었어 라고 정말 큰 용기내서 얘기해줬었어 난 허탈해서 아무말도 안나왔고 속으로 인간이 맞나? 싶었어 그러고 우리는 안녕했지 나도 솔직히 똑똑한 머리는 아니라서 기억력이 진짜 최악인데 오죽하면 언니는 끝이없다 너무 많지 근데 그냥 저거 하나만 할께 혹시 모르잖아 회사에서 해지계약서 썼는데 위약금 내라고 하면 어떡해 저 다 말 안했어요 괜찮죠? 언니 덕에 난 매일 약 수십알 먹고 왼쪽 손목은 하도 그어서 신경이 나가서 따갑고 저려 근데 엄마보니까 살아야겠더라고 돈도 벌어야해 그래서 열심히 흉터치료 받고있어 아직도 악몽은 꾸지만, 근데 웃긴건 나가기전에 언니 빼고 우리끼리 술 마시면서 맨날 대화 나눴거든 근데도 우리 다 아직도 모른다? 날 싫어한 이유가 뭐야?
Ah but the reason why I talked about that AOA unnie was because when my dad was confirmed to have terminal pancreatic cancer, I thought my dad would be going, but I was afraid that unnie would scold me again. I was also doing individual acting activities as well as a comeback. I didn’t want to give the members harm, so I did the schedules and I had to memorize the scripts, and there were many parts in which I had to smile as well. I couldn’t be consumed by thoughts about my dad and I thought that I had to finish my work well, so I couldn’t even enter his ward. He was in the terminal stage of pancreatic cancer so seeing him all skin and bones, I couldn’t help but cry. My sister called me and said my dad was looking for me even though he couldn’t speak well already. But if I had cried while doing my schedules, what would I do if that [AOA] unnie said something about it?
I was so young then, so I thought I had to be like that. I thought that that was the right thing. I didn’t want to be scolded. I could’ve seen my dad more but I couldn’t do so and had to send him off just only seeing him close his eyes and hearing the beep. In the sketchbook next to him, he had written with difficulty, “Where is my daughter?” In crooked handwriting. He showed it to the nurse, but I was working at that point of time, so I couldn’t go. “But I heard you had a special ward set up and that you cancelled all your personal schedule. I hope that’s not true. You should be professional too. Don’t cry, okay?” You said I would break the mood, and asked why you had to cautious just because of me too, so I hope you will be able to win over this too.
I still can’t erase that memory. The words unnie said, as well as her actions. Even if it’s honestly a blur, I still remember everything – it remains. Every time that happens, I take medicine and try to bear it but I think the thing with my dad will keep going forever. To unnie, it’s just words that you spat out, but for me, it was something that hurt me. But at the end, when we had 5 minutes to us, I told unnie that it was something that hurt me, back then. That’s when unnie glared at me and said that, “I don’t think I’m such a terrible bitch who would say that sort of words”. So another member unnie said that you did actually say those words, after gathering up a huge amount of courage. I was at a loss so I didn’t reply but on the inside I was thinking, “Are you even human?” And we said goodbye.
To be honest, I’m not smart, so my memory is the worst, but there’s so many things I remember from you endlessly. But I’ll only speak on that one thing, just in case. I wrote a termination agreement with the company – what if they ask me to pay a penalty? I didn’t tell on every single thing – so it should be fine right? Thanks to unnie, I’ve been eating multiple tablets of medicine a day and my left wrist is so cut up that the nerves aren’t working and it stings and hurts. But seeing my mom, I have to live on, I have to earn money. So I am going for scar treatments diligently and although I still have nightmares, the funny thing was, before I left the group, we all went for drinks without unnie every day and had conversations. But even so, we all still don’t know, this. What the reason why you don’t like me?
FNC Entertainment has yet to respond to the accusations, as they are not picking up phone calls from media outlets. Jimin responded to the accusations made by Mina here.
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